Horror Film Reviews

I don’t have the time or patience to review every film I watch in-depth, so in the name of simplicity, I will use a rating system. I think rating movies with numbers or letter grades is arbitrary and dumb, so instead I will use emojis. Yes, you read that right. Either I liked a movie, I didn’t, or I thought it was a mixed bag.

❌= Not Worth Your Time / 🙃= Mixed Bag / ✅ = Worth Your Time / ⭐️ = REALLY Worth Your Time

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Rosemary’s Baby (1968) ✅ It gets better the more you think about it.

Night of the Living Dead (1968) ✅ A true classic. Bold, influential, and it holds up fairly well.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) ❌ Crappy characters, crappy writing, and crappy pacing.

Dawn of the Dead (1978) ⭐️ Some of the makeup and special effects haven’t aged well, but the characters keep me coming back.

The Evil Dead (1981) 🙃 It was okay. I wish the film made me feel something.

The Thing (1982) ✅ Even today, the special effects are jaw-dropping.

Poltergeist (1982) ❌ Wildly overrated. I don’t care if Spielberg or Hooper directed it.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) 🙃 Cheesy as hell, but it’s okay if you set your expectations low.

Day of the Dead (1985) ⭐️ Underrated. Has one of the best 80s soundtracks and best movie soundtracks, period.

Hellraiser (1987) ❌ Gratuitous, overly indulgent, and boring.

Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988) ❌ More of the same.

The Blair Witch Project (1999) ⭐️ One of the only horror movies to scare me as an adult.

Dawn of the Dead (2004) ✅ Dumb fun. The original was better, but this has its own charm.

The Descent (2005) ✅

The Mist (2007) ⭐️ Thematically, the movie has aged very well. The CGI hasn’t, so I recommend the black and white version. Barring some wonky dialogue, it’s a very poignant film.

[•REC] (2007) ✅ Starts out well, but the found footage tropes and relentless hysterical screaming get old quickly. “The Blair Witch Project” is better.

[•REC] 2 (2009) ✅ Basically the “Aliens” of the “[•REC]” series.

The Conjuring (2013) ✅ I wish the Warrens showed up sooner, but that’s my only issue.

The Babadook (2014) ❌ I appreciated the unique theme, but the kid made the movie unwatchable.

The Conjuring 2 (2016) ✅ Drags a bit, but still solid overall.

Don’t Breathe (2016) ✅

Hush (2016) 🙃 Decent concept, mediocre execution.

Hereditary (2018) ✅

Midsommar (2019) 🙃 Perhaps not really “horror”. A beautiful film held back by a lack of agency in its characters, a stylistic choice that doesn’t work.

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021) ✅ The “Saw III” of “The Conjuring” trilogy: not as good as the first two, but still good.

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